Part One

It was never on my Wish List of things to happen in this lifetime. When the energy most often referred to as 'kundalini' woke up a little more than four years ago, it was unplanned, unexpected, and more than a little shocking. When anybody enquires "I feel energy moving in my body. Is it kundalini?" the answer will be "No". There is all kind of talk about chi and prana and goodness knows what else, all energy, all significant. But when kundalini activates fully, it is distinctive, obvious, unmistakeable. No need for questions.

I didn't know a bunch about kundalini, though at least I knew enough to be able to give the energy a name when it turned up, unlike some hapless people, who have no idea what is going on, no reference or anchor from which to get information or assistance. Anything that I knew was a bit confusing, repelling even. Hindus talking about ejaculating up the spine: what's that?! Sounds perverse and perverted. And I had watched an interview with a woman who needed to spend two years in bed as a result of the force of the kundalini awakening; "I could do without that" I remember feeling at the time.

Kundalini was an anomaly, not fitting neatly into any religious or spiritual system that I was aware of. Pretty much anything I saw came within the context of Hindu teaching, but made little sense.

And then it turned up. It really kicked off with a silver-coloured shining female figure, who would dance around ecstatically in the area between my anus and genitals at two o'clock in the morning. From then, the energy began to emerge. Over the next few weeks I would sit upright in meditation posture, as something like liquid crystal moved blissfully up along my spine, until it eventually flowed out of the top, before tumbling back down like a fountain. All this was accompanied by figures somewhat akin to the angels in Botticelli's 'Mystic Nativity', although diaphonous, and exceedingly more beautiful.

Then, one day, it stopped. Only to be replaced by a darker, thicker, almost physical, energy, slowly wending its way upwards. Kundalini is sometimes likened to a snake, but I generally find no resemblance. The only exception was during this phase, when the energy slowly twisted upwards, making its way along my intestines in a movement eliciting both the agony and the ecstasy. For many years this intestinal tract had been in a state of malfunction, and now the energy was moving along, removing blockages when it encountered them, healing my poor abused digestive system.

I realised that the arousal of kundalini constituted, among other things, an intensive no-option therapy. Every time an energetic obstacle was encountered, there would be discomfort, or pain even. The blockage needed to be cleared or else things would get bad. Very bad. It was 'evolve or die', quite literally.

All the while I craved a quiet and simple time for the kundalini to work smoothly, external events were anything but. Three weeks after the initial activation, my brother-in-law died. My sister, who I had merely seen twice a year for ages, now came into my life big time, requiring communication, help, support. It was autumn, always the trickiest time of year for me to negotiate. And the time was approaching for my wife to visit Colombia for a while. Life suddenly became more involved.

Finally, it all calmed down, and kundalini could have me to herself. There were explosions of energy, violent releases, kicking me upwards in bed. Then things quietened down a little. During late winter the kundalini got to work on my heart centre, releasing feelings I did not realise existed. And on to finally get to the brain, the cleansing of thought and perception.

Part Two

So what is kundalini anyway? This is not the easiest question to answer. One writer describes it as a switch being turned on, which resonates. An energy that you were unaware existed, begins to flow, augmenting and altering, well, everything. Many people, I have discovered, are uncomfortable to converse with a kundalinified one, even if they are serious practitioners of meditation or similar.

There are two things which make them squirm on their chair. First up is the fact that kundalini is not only 'in the mind', but has a physical component, affecting the body directly. This may be in jerky movements in peak energy flow, or in directly affecting physical organs of the body, actually changing and rewiring as it goes. This can be either healing or destructive, depending on the resistance offered by the individual.

And secondly, the individual has little or no control over the kundalini process. It's not like a meditation practice, where you sit on your cushion or not, depending on your own choices. Kundalini is there regardless. It's more like hunger or the need to sleep, an urge or drive. As is said, 'you don't do kundalini; kundalini does you'. Learn to surrender or you're stuffed: this is the challenge laid down by the kundalini energy.

Currently, I may conceptualise kundalini as the organism's attempt to integrate and unify the apparent dualities, the opposites, that characterise most human experience on planet Earth. In terms of the brain, this means increasing the communication between the left (rational) and right (creative, synthesising) hemispheres of the brain. Manifesting a 'one' out of the 'two'. 

This may focus on harmonising and unifying the masculine and feminine aspects of existence. Some alchemists were very conscious of this process, which is one of the foundations of various western mystical traditions. So was C.G. Jung.

During the 'heating up' period prior to full kundalini awakening, I found the entire world to be imbued with an erotic quality. I was in a state of being constantly turned on, but in an unusual way. There was no wish to express or release that sexual feeling - rather the opposite which, for a male in particular, is a bit bizarre. Instead of wanting to move outwards, the energy was beginning to flow internally; the previously projected 'feminine pole' of existence was starting to internalise, which I take as a prerequisite for kundalini activation.

During this 'heating up' I also went Tarot crazy. I didn't understand why, but I knew that I had to do it. Once familiar with Tarot, and with a feeling for how it works, you can dispense with books and guides to Tarot spreads. I was just making up my own, based on different aspects of life. The seasons, the phases of the moon, the solstices and equinoxes; humours in the body, directions of space. But typically they would be five card spreads, with four directions and a central (unifying) card. Only after this phase was complete did I see that this was what Jung called 'creating mandalas', or symbols of wholeness. It was an intensive course in fusion of opposites. Polarities of all sorts were being integrated, and this was a necessary preparation for the eventual appearance of kundalini.     

Part Three            

I don't write a lot about kundalini these days. I suppose it's not something so new or special any more. It's an integral part of daily life, like breakfast and washing up. I just get on with things, with downloaded kundalini part of ongoing experience. It is there, 24/7, and has given rise to changes in habits, ways of going about things, lifestyle - everything.

Some ancient Greeks would say that, provided you gave them their due, the gods would leave you undisturbed. The same principle works for kundalini. Give her the attention she needs, and all will be well. Ignore her, however, and your life probably won't be worth living.

My everyday life has changed in multiple ways. Lots of lying down, which is what 'kundalini meditation' constitutes for me. This allows the energy to flow, to do its thing. This is not negotiable, like eating and visiting the loo. Learning to surrender is necessary, a skill which I woefully lacked, despite decades of sitting meditation.

Strenuous physical activity is considerably reduced; the future of mountain expeditions is in question. Little and often is the general pattern of things, whether in eating, speaking, writing, anything. 

So this is it, more or less. A rather prosaic summary of a topic that is anything but. It's now official: I am a biological freak - along with an increasing number of western folk who have also undergone a spontaneous kundalini activation. As I write, I feel the bliss. The energy is rising up the back, past the neck and attempting to clear my blocked sinuses. I am hugely grateful.... 

Resources

During the first year especially, I needed some signposts, guidance, and assistance. I have never found any of the Hindu stuff very helpful, for a variety of reasons. Some of the western alchemical texts and illustrations evoke much more of an 'Ah ha!' response. In general, fairly modern western kundalinites have proved the best guides and inspirations. I am especially grateful for the work of Mary Shutan, Jana Dixon, and the 'Waking the Infinite' blog.           

Images: Le triomphe hermetique, 1689

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